Homer’s Monday Post-Bye Week Wrap Up
by Homer J.
Christmas came early for Homer this past week.
The Poo-pourri he ordered from QVC arrived. That’s the stuff in the spray bottle that you spritz in the toilet before you do your business, and it makes it smell like lemongrass. Actually, speaking of lemongrass, it makes your business smell better than some Thai restaurants Homer has frequented on a single occasion.
There’s a holiday connection here, as one of the four spray bottles is called Santa Poo, and the bottle says it is a delightful blend of “holly, evergreen, and citrus.” So it’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas when Homer wallows in his own crapulence.
Homer also received the priceless gift of schaudenfraude this weekend. The Bungles lost to Steelers West, and the AFC North suddenly got a lot more interesting. If the autumn wind is a Raider, the winter wind is a killer when it comes to that Texas-bred Red Devil of a quarterback who starts out the season like a house afire, but has a history of flaming out in a deep and dark December. This year, Red Devil has actually started flaming out in November. The Steelers are still two games behind the Bungles and play them once, but Cincy also has games against the awful Browns and depleted Ravens. But the division race ain’t over till it’s over.
Speaking of the Ravens, Homer is not at all happy to see Flacco and Forsett injured, other than to say that it won’t hurt not having to play them at M&T Stadium next month.That is to say he’s sorry they got hurt, and hopes they get well soon, but business is business.
The other good news this weekend included a loss by the Jets, which puts the Steelers and Bills at the top of the wild card heap with only four losses.
The Raiders, who had five losses, also got beat Sunday, putting them two full games behind the Black and Gold.
The best news could come tonight, as the Bills are forced to take on their division rivals, Beeeelichick, Brady, and the New England Patriots. It’s a win-win for Steelers fans, because one of these teams is going to lose. It’s always a pleasure to see the Cheater walk off the field in defeat, but we’ll actually be rooting for Buffalo to lose because that would leave the Steelers as the only wild card team with only four losses. Get that? We’re not actually rooting for New England to WIN (that would be too uncomfortable), we are rooting for Buffalo to lose, which would be the perfect ending to a relaxing bye weekend.
Either way, Homer doesn’t have the Cheatriots on his Christmas card list, and Brady and Gisele won’t be needing any Poo-pourri this year, because – as we all know – their crap doesn’t stink.
Happy Thanksgiving, one and all.