Homer’s Monday Post-Bye Week Wrap Up

USA Today Sports/Mark J. Rebilas photo

by Homer J. 

Christmas came early for Homer this past week.

The Poo-pourri he ordered from QVC arrived. That’s the stuff in the spray bottle that you spritz in the toilet before you do your business, and it makes it smell like lemongrass. Actually, speaking of lemongrass, it makes your business smell better than some Thai restaurants Homer has frequented on a single occasion.

There’s a holiday connection here, as one of the four spray bottles is called Santa Poo, and the bottle says it is a delightful blend of “holly, evergreen, and citrus.” So it’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas when Homer wallows in his own crapulence. 

Homer also received the priceless gift of schaudenfraude this weekend. The Bungles lost to Steelers West, and the AFC North suddenly got a lot more interesting. If the autumn wind is a Raider, the winter wind is a killer when it comes to that Texas-bred Red Devil of a quarterback who starts out the season like a house afire, but has a history of flaming out in a deep and dark December. This year, Red Devil has actually started flaming out in November. The Steelers are still two games behind the Bungles and play them once, but Cincy also has games against the awful Browns and depleted Ravens. But the division race ain’t over till it’s over. 

Speaking of the Ravens, Homer is not at all happy to see Flacco and Forsett injured, other than to say that it won’t hurt not having to play them at M&T Stadium next month.That is to say he’s sorry they got hurt, and hopes they get well soon, but business is business.

The other good news this weekend included a loss by the Jets, which puts the Steelers and Bills at the top of the wild card heap with only four losses. 

The Raiders, who had five losses, also got beat Sunday, putting them two full games behind the Black and Gold.

The best news could come tonight, as the Bills are forced to take on their division rivals, Beeeelichick, Brady, and the New England Patriots. It’s a win-win for Steelers fans, because one of these teams is going to lose. It’s always a pleasure to see the Cheater walk off the field in defeat, but we’ll actually be rooting for Buffalo to lose because that would leave the Steelers as the only wild card team with only four losses. Get that? We’re not actually rooting for New England to WIN (that would be too uncomfortable), we are rooting for Buffalo to lose, which would be the perfect ending to a relaxing bye weekend. 

Either way, Homer doesn’t have the Cheatriots on his Christmas card list, and Brady and Gisele won’t be needing any Poo-pourri this year, because – as we all know – their crap doesn’t stink. 

Happy Thanksgiving, one and all. 

9 comments

  • You certainly paint some vivid images for us, Homer. Perhaps the Red Devil should stock up on the Depends with crunch time coming.

    That was a nasty crack about Tommy and his little bunchin. I like it. I must root for the Bills ’cause I just can’t keep anything down if I go the other way. If the Bills lose, I won’t be upset. Win, win.

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  • cold_old_steelers_fan

    I am going to be counting on the folks here to come me up to speed this coming weekend. The 103rd annual Grey Cup game is being hosted here in Winnipeg and, due to my work with the Winnipeg Folk Festival, I have been fingered to volunteer as a driver (there will be as many as 30 volunteer drivers operating at any given time during the festivities). Events start well in advance of Sunday’s game and my role as a driver will continue through to next Monday.

    The Grey Cup is also known as the national drunk and I expect the streets to be as full of drunks as Kitchner-Waterloo during Octoberfest though I must admit that was not really discussed all that much. Assuming I survive, I will fill folks in with more details on this cultural event after the fact.

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    • cold_old_steelers_fan

      Kitchener-Waterloo is the proper spelling.

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      • (wrote this on an earlier post, but COSF didn’t see it, so posting it again)

        Homer chugged into Winnipeg early on the morning of November 1st on board the Canadian, and your town really knocked my socks off. It’s at the forks of the Red River and the Assinibione River, so I was immediately reminded of the ‘burgh. There was some terrific early 20th century architecture downtown from the Gilded Age (again like Pittsburgh), and some brand new and rather spectacular new stuff – including unexpected skyscrapers. Had no idea you have nearly 700,000 people there, and all the amenities. My first impression is that your town is sort like Canada’s Chicago – the heartland for agriculture and resources – and a lot more.

        Of all the surprises on Homer’s train trip across Canada, Winnipeg was the most unexpected. Hope to spend some time there, but probably not in February. June, when the DAYS are warm and long and the BEER is cold, seems a better bet.

        Enjoy the Grey Cup, COSF, but say a prayer for former BC Lion Doug Flutie. Losing both his mom and dad on the same day was so terribly sad.

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        • cold_old_steelers_fan

          Thanks Homer. Winnipeg was once called Little Chicago during it boom time prior to the building of the Panama Canal (curse you Teddy Roosevelt or whomever was responsible). It was the 3rd largest city in Canada during those heady days. It was still the 4th largest during my childhood (Vancouver took the 3rd spot by then).

          National Geographic choose it as a top 20 destination for 2016 (blowing the minds of a lot of Winnipegers in the process) and though they sang about the joys of skating the longest skating rink in the world or eating fine cuisine on a frozen river, the fact is that the best time to be here in in July during the Winnipeg Folk Festival (which is actually held just outside the city at Birdshill Provincial Park). With any luck the riverwalk at the Forks will not be underwater and it is a beautiful time to be in Winnipeg.

          If you like architecture then the Manitoba Legislature is the place to go. There is an unfortunately written but informative book available about the masonic symbolism involved.

          The other place that should be on your list to visit is the CMHR which is the only National museum that is not in the National Capital Region (Ottawa and Hull).

          My heart has indeed gone out to the Flutie brothers and any other siblings they may have. It must have been devastating for them.

          I have gone on for too long plus someone has switched my already wonky keyboard (coffee accident) to some French variant that replaces the apostrophe key with è. At least I am not getting random umlats.

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    • Have fun! Sounds like it will be quite the experience.

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  • Fever will light a candle for Homer J…..in the bathroom. I had no idea where this article was heading with that introduction, nice recovery. The Steelers aren’t losing another game this season so everyone can freely cheer for the Patriots to lose and even if they do win this game it would be fitting for the Steelers to beat the undefeated cheaters in the AFC championship game on our way to Seaven.

    Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Go Steelers!

    Liked by 1 person

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