Homer J’s Thoughts About Mike Tomlin vs. The Great Satan, and Parts of the Human Anatomy
By Homer J
That Sunday night game really messed up everyone’s karma.
As the pom-pom guy pointed out, we spotted those a-holes a day and a half, and didn’t get back to PIT till four o’clock in the morning. Luckily, James Harrison comes from a planet where sleep is optional, especially when it gets in the way of your workout.
Supposedly, James headed directly to the South Side facility and began his workout less than an hour after touch down. (Not sure if Roger Goodell – who was at the KC game – accompanied Harrison on the flight back or to the workout room, but the guess here is the hourly “random testing” continues.)
Speaking of touchdowns, when was the last time in the playoffs that a team that didn’t score even one touchdown and yet beat a team that scored two? The correct answer is it never happened before. So now, according to the worldwide leader, the Steelers are the only team to accomplish this feat in 246 NFL playoff games. Tip of the hat and a polite golf clap to Boswell….who was the fourth B on Sunday.
Antonio Brown gave us a peek inside the privacy of the Steeler locker room and the 24/7 sports channels – who are always looking for something to talk about – are talking about it. Fortunately for them, there are any number of things to talk about.
First, good for Tomlin. Homer’s concern is that either he exercised remarkable restraint in his comments about the Patriots or – perhaps in the heat of the moment – forgot to include the modifiers “damned #%&@*g cheating flaming” prior to his labeling them a part of the human anatomy. For a guy known for his attention to detail, Coach could have been more specific.
Second, all Boston is in a tizzy. Those people have been taught what to think by their radio sports talk show people every since Eddie Andelman began Sports Huddle nearly 50 years ago. And now, with a plethora of sports yakkers all trying to outdo each other, this kerfuffle has escalated into the worst thing to happen to Boston since when King George levied a tax on tea.
Third, Homer hasn’t heard much from Belichick. He’s probably too busy, sitting in his rectumry, picking out which ways to sabotage the Steeler headphones, or some other way to cheat. After all, we spotted the (redacted) a day and a half to get a head start on his nefarious gamesmanship.
Fourth, and seriously, is the issue with Antonio Brown. And let’s be real here. This is a kid who grew up homeless in Liberty City, the worst neighborhood in Miami. He spent the last six months of high school living on the streets. Is it any wonder that he craves attention after that? Is it any wonder that he seeks affirmation more than most of us? Is it any wonder that he shows those lapses in judgement?
Antonio needs to grow up, but just remember who he is and where he came from. If the only trouble he gets into involves end zone celebrations and sending out Coach’s post-game speech, I’ll take it. He’ll probably be fined by the league and get a very brief lecture from the Coach, and we’ll be done with it. Actually, Homer wouldn’t have minded an end zone dance or two from AB this past week, but maybe he’s saving them for New England.
In any case, this wasn’t any distraction to the team. It was Antonio being Antonio. It’s a helluva lot better to talk about that than about how Brady has thrown 27 TD passes against the Steelers since 2007, and zero interceptions.
Brady looked spotty against the Texans on Saturday and he got banged around quite a bit. Maybe he’ll be feeling the effects this week, but no one’s counting on it. It’s just as likely that he’ll be All-World, because he’s made a career out of coming up big in big games, and of carving up the Steelers.
But now, at least, the world is seeing that we’ve seen over the past ten weeks, which is the maturation of a new lightning-fast Steel Curtain defense. Burns, Davis, Hargrave, and Dupree have led to that remarkable improvement. This is all the makings of a great defense. And soon. But this is their first rodeo, and they will be coming out on fire. That scares Homer.
Burns, in particular, loves to jump routes. If he’s out on the island, a hitch and go with a pump fake be disastrous. Homer remembers Anthony Smith, who guaranteed a win against the Patriots, bit on a couple of Tom Brady pump fakes, and lives in infamy. I’m sure Mike Tomlin remembers the Anthony Smith Experience and has cautioned Mssrs. Burns and Davis. There’s no doubt Brady and Belichick remember as well.
People a lot smarter than Homer are busy handicapping and dissecting this weekend’s matchup. So Homer has little to add that you haven’t seen elsewhere other than this:
The Devil’s greatest accomplishment has been convincing so many intelligent people that he doesn’t exist. His second greatest accomplishment is the job he’s done as Head Coach of the New England Patriots while cleverly disguised as a part of the human anatomy.