On Second Thought: Browns @ Steelers
Photo via Steelers.com
By Homer J
I would like to respectfully suggest to Homer that the computer lose his homework more often. This is some of his finest work. Enjoy. You have quite a treat in store…Ed.
Homer watched the Steelers “B” Team (NOT to be confused with the Killer B’s) defeat the Washington Generals, AKA the Cleveland Browns, and took copious game notes. Unfortunately, it was New Year’s Eve, and somehow they were deleted instead of copied. Seriously, the computer ate his homework. Apple, why dost thou mock me???
WHAT WE LEARNED SUNDAY AGAINST THE BROWNS
—–along with what we already knew that was reaffirmed.
- Landry Jones can be a very good game manager and is a good
- Stevan Ridley is the second coming of DeAngelo Williams, an older running back who still has a lot of tread of his tires. He’s a keeper.
- Martavis Bryant is going to be a rich man next spring.
- Chris Hubbard can play ALL of the offensive line positions. He just can’t play all of them well. Finney had better get well soon.
- The Steelers can rest six All-Pros and still beat the Browns.
- We are all living in Juju’s dream, and nobody wants him to wake up until after the Super Bowl. This kid plays video games and watches so many superhero flicks that he’s actually become a superhero. Yah, JuJuMan!
Juju may find himself on a Wheaties box before you know it. On the other hand, you might find a picture of Bud Dupree on a milk container. Bud goes missing at times, and nobody can find him. Reward.
- Eli is a decent punt returner after all.
- The defense, without Shazier and without Heyward, can be awful.
- Mike Hilton is human and can actually drop an interception once in a long while.
- The standard is the standard, but, unfortunately, the secondary is the secondary.
Nobody mentioned them, but Robert Golden and Fitz Toussaint threw key blocks on Juju’s kickoff return, and Matt Feiler threw a very impressive block to spring Ridley on the last first down run of the game. The standard really is the standard, and it’s that attention to fundamentals that wins you football games.
- DeShone Kiser really is a good quarterback. Against the Steelers, that is. Unfortunately for him, 14 other regular season games are against other teams.
- Myles Garrett is quick and is gonna be something special. Same with Peppers.
The Browns are building, and they have the number one and number three pick in this years draft and something like 30 of the first 25 picks overall or something like that. So long as they don’t draft Johnny Football again, or something stupid. But, then again, these are the Browns, from the Factory of Sadness, and its subsidiary, the Factory of Bad Ideas.
The Browns have made an art out of bad draft choices, wasting top picks on stiffs and losers like Johnny Football, Brandon Weeden, Tim Couch, Josh Doobie Gordon, Brady Quinn, Trent Richardson, Corey (Hands) Coleman, and, oh, so many more. But at least they were all alive when drafted. The worst draft choice in football history was in the CFL’s dispersal draft of April, 1995. The Ottawa Rough Riders selected Derrell Robertson formerly of Mississippi State and the Las Vegas Posse. They were unable to sign Robertson because they were unable to get in touch with him. That’s because he was dead, having died in a car crash in December, 1994. Let’s see the Browns top that one.
Quarterback: B+ 15 of 18 in the first half. Landry was impressive, so long as the snaps were decent.
WIDE RECEIVER: A+ Juju and Bryant were beasts.
RUNNING BACK: B Ridley was a very pleasant surprise. He and Fitz helped with the pass blocking, too.
OFFENSIVE LINE: B- They were solid, except for the third string center.
DEFENSIVE LINE: B. Good pass rush, not strong against the run, either up the middle or on the edge.
LINEBACKERS: C+ . Meh, at best.
DEFENSIVE BACKS: D Another week of big plays going against them.
SPECIAL TEAMS: A++ Kickoff return for TD and some good punt returns. And a partially blocked punt on D. Bravo!
COACHING: B+ The “B” team beat some junior varsity squad.